Destined For A Second Chance...

Destined For A Second Chance...

I found myself waking up from the glare of the light that came rushing through my eastern window accompanied by a gentle morning breeze. The scent of a new day- much needed and yet dreaded at the same time. My head was still pounding out the island music from last night; still dizzy from the Caribbean mixes that my friend girl, Jenn created off the top of her silly little head. I was slammed; Not wanting to face the day, unless it was spent throwing up what I ingested yesterday. I pulled in as many pillows as I could in one swoop as I rolled over to suffocate my miserable soul. I covered my face, took a deep breath, and realized that there was no use in knocking myself off- I kinda' like me! This was despite the excessive consumption of food and alcohol that could have caused internal damages.

I had a perfectly reasonable excuse for my prior actions that led up to this moment of headache and nausea. It was the 6th month anniversary of my being single and the 3rd month of celibacy. Well, technically- it would be 3 months for both. The fact is is that when me and my ex split- we were still intimate, even more so after we split up than when were in the relationship. It was as if we wanted to give each other something to remember. You know, sorta go out with a big bang. Boy, did we bang! Just like all fireworks after the main event, things faded and we decided to stop confusing the situation any further and allow each other the space it took to move on with our lives. Thus, leaving me in the dilemma I'm currently in: SINGLE - HUNGOVER- HORNY- and above all.... LONELY.

Bret was one of those guys that everyone who knew you wanted in their lives. He was charming, sensitive, openly affectionate and could make just about anyone laugh. We sorta met by accident; even though, now I don't believe in such a thing as accidents. To make a long story short, we were together for four years after we first set eyes on each other. Three of those years was spent living together here in this loft; leading to the tragic ending of a pretty great relationship. He and I had a weird way of expressing our love for one another and when he wanted to take it further, it seemed impossible to me to do so without creating an awkward situation for the both of us.

See, I'm the VP of my fashion design company of 6 years and marriage just wasn't in my life's plans at such an early time. Bret, on the other hand, wanted to settle down and create a family that I couldn't imagine myself having so prematurely. We decided that since we were on two different routes to fulfill our desires, that it would be best if we just went our separate ways and not cause anymore damage to either of our egos. All it seemed to be was constant debates about the future and what we both wanted that with each other we couldn't seem to have.

I still love him... I often think about how things would have been if I had agreed to become his wife. He and I were always able to work through our differences with everything else except this one issue. It's as if this one thing meant the world to him and I was too wrapped up in my own world to even consider becoming a permanent part of his. I can say it's my fault. Looking over at his side of the bed or what used to be- I can remember watching him sleep after we've made love. I can still smell him; his aroma is a part of my permanent memories. Every time I close my eyes, I can see recorded imagery of the best of times we've shared. Laughing and interacting with one another. He filled my empty spaces in every way and gave me something to smile about - even when I didn't have a known reason to smile. We could never argue about anything without coming to the conclusion that you can't argue and laugh at the same time. He was always cracking jokes and making faces that made our differences a thing of the past almost instantly. He genuinely adored every inch of me and catered to me in such a way that made my girlfriends envious of me. All my friends were single, and my best friend Jenn was a victim of a horrible marriage that ended in her almost killing her ex-husband in order for her to survive the beatings. I'm scared I guess.

Love was always said to be a hard thing to get and keep. Bret made it the easiest for me. If anything, I made it hard for him to love me... I wonder if I made a mistake. Could he have been the one for me? I mean, I'm still finding myself wanting to be in his arms. I haven't even dated since we decided to call everything off- just couldn't do it. I have commitment on my list of "importunates", and since him, I have never wanted to be committed before. Now, that's all I can think about. If he were here, I would ask him to forgive me, to work with me because I want him in my life for always. I would make sure that his love for me was acknowledged and appreciated each and everyday. My life without him isn't complete, with him away from me. I glanced over at my cell phone to see 3 missed calls. Two was from Jenn and the last was from Bret. How come I didn't hear the phone ring? What in the hell did Jenn put in those mixed drinks? Most importantly, now that I think about it-- How did I get home last night?

I looked to see that the phone was on silent mode. My voicemail box held two messages. The first was from Jenn a lil' over an hour ago. "Girl, I'm glad that you and Bret are trying to work through your differences and you finally stopped being stubborn and decided to let that man love you and be the man he needs to be for you. Don't be missing for the whole weekend. Let me know if he gave you some. Lord knows, you need it. Later sweetness!" So, speechless at the message I had just heard, I missed the automated cue to save or delete the message. The second was from Bret's cell, around midnight last night. "Hey! Shannon, I got your message. I'm just getting off work now. I'm on my way to Jenn's to pick you up. I love you too. I can't stand being apart from you any longer either. I should be there within the next 10-15 minutes. Traffic is a little crazy with this thunderstorm and all. Again, I love you dearly and I'll be there soon." I hung up the phone as quickly as I could and begin to dial Jenn's number to find out if this was a joke or not. Someone was going to get cursed the hell out.

As the phone rang- I rushed to my feet and headed towards my bedroom door. I opened it and as I was coming out, Bret and I collided causing the phone to fly across the room. He was able to catch balance and keep the hot green tea on the tray from burning either of us. He grabbed me with the other arm to keep me from falling flat on the floor. "Wooooeeee! Didn't expect to see you up for a few more hours. Jennevieve told me that you really drank a hell of a lot last night. You called me to come get you- saying that you wanted to talk about giving it another try or---" I stopped him from speaking, placing my hand over his mouth and pulling him back into the bedroom, almost spilling the green tea everywhere. Tears flowing down my face, with my heart in my throat, I looked him straight in his eyes and said "Yes!" He looked at me as if I had made his darkest night light up like the daytime. "Yes, you want to try again; Be friends; What?" No other words could come from me. I held out my hand to him and said once more, "YES!" He reached around his his neck and took off his necklace. When he pulled it from underneath his shirt, it had the rings that he had purchased more than 7 months ago. He almost broke the chain for pulling so hard on the engagement ring that was attached to it. He looked in my eyes, and I in his.

Bret slowly and cautiously slid the ring on my finger. He looked up at me again, as if preparing himself for a tragic event to occur. I saw the pain I caused him with my selfishness. He didn't want to be hurt again. Even though he had been before, by me, he was still willing to offer his love to me despite what happened in the past. "Will You--?" I never allow him to finish. "With all my heart, YES!" He jumped up from the bed and yelled like he had just won the lottery. I just sat looking and loving this man who I had almost lost forever. He reached back and pulled me close to him. I could hear his heart beat ferociously as we shared no words, just the moment. We began to kiss and indulge in the taste of the love we almost didn't have. In my heart, I thanked the Creator for another chance to love Bret.

All that was left to say was I love you, repeatedly; And we did say it, repeatedly. "What happened to the phone?" I turned to see that the phone had landed right next to the bed where I was sitting earlier. "Hello, Jenn?" She was laughing and screaming at the same time. "I'm here girl! Tell Bret that he has to do whatever he's gonna' do. We got some wedding planning to take care of. You two can't hunch all damn day!" I just smiled, looked up and kissed the lips of the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was fortunate to have it all, and to have a second chance to correct the path of a love that could have been lost....


© 2008-09 Kanday Reign. All Rights Reserved.

Like...

We are-- whole; to sit and watch our love unfold,

Was like-- like a dream.

I was never able to touch it before,

But, now it seems, that every time I look at you -

I can see-- US

Never me being alone again.

Still trying to find the words from deep within'--

To make sense of this "rude" awakenin'.

See, with you, it's like-- like LOVE.

Not first love, but loving all over again.

Like when you're wise enough not to make those mistakes

That left you alone in the first place.

Like just sitting there next to you

Pretending to watch a movie

But finding myself daydreaming and starring in your face!

Like being turned on by a simple smile, or touch,

Leaving me stranded with my constant thoughts of lust!

See, when we are around each other, it's hard to describe,

Something sorta like, in our past lives,

We were from the same tribe.

Like I was created and raised to be compatible with you,

Like The Most High and our Parents already knew.

Just being in your presence makes me happy,

Even though you may not think so,

I'm in love with US, and can't wait to know

How far this US -thing will go

I'm willing to take the time it takes to see what shows

As long as I have your sunshine

that gives US the strength to grow.

How To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work For You!

1. Ask the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. Setting parameters such as naming your relationship ( dating, seeing each other, boyfriend/girlfriend, engaged)as well defining exclusive(limited to one person,) non exclusive. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line. Example: "Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?"or "What are you looking to get out of the relationship?". Stating your end goal or ideas will allow each person to maintain what they need.
2. Communicate in some way every day, more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't always have to be long, in-depth conversations. Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or web cams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Remember that e-mail and even instant messengers can increase the possibility of misunderstandings. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!
3. Do things together. Defy the distance. As a long distance couple, it's important to do other things together besides the usual phone call. In a long distance relationship, interaction over the phone can become dull in the long run. Incorporating other forms of interaction are important. Just think... people in short-distance relationships do not spend the majority of their time talking, but rather doing things with each other. Try to replicate this by finding things to do together such as watching a TV show or movie simultaneously. For an extensive list of more things you can do with each other (or for each other) click here: 60 Things for LDR Couples to Do
4. Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
5. Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
6. Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
7. Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
8. Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. You have to remember that for a healthy relationship, no matter how far or close, you must be willing to let go.
9. Remember: things will get better with time, and even the relationship will become better. Have hope.
10. Visit often Try to make the time to visit each other as often as possible or as often as your budget permits you to. A relationship cannot thrive if the only thing you have is the phone calls. You need to see each other up close and personal every chance you get. The key here is to set up some "rules" about frequency of communication and visits and stick to them, consistency can help a LDR survive.
11. Avoid jealousy and be trusting One of the easiest ways to destroy a perfectly healthy relationship is to poison it with jealousy and drama. When you start a long distance relationship you must be realistic of the difficulties ahead. It always helps if you go in a relationship with the idea that everyone is innocent and worth of trust until proven otherwise. Don't fall in the trap to interrogate your partner every time he/she decides to go out for a drink with people you haven't met or he/she didn't get back to you right away when you called and left a message. Just because you are in a LDR, you lives won't pause. Your partner will naturally have a social life where he/she lives and so should you. Sure it helps to have your eyes open and not be totally naive but being overly suspicious is unhealthy for you and your relationship too. You should both maintain your social activity and be happy with yourselves.
12. Be positive Staying positive and not focusing on the negative aspects of a LDR is essential to keeping your relationship blooming and your partner content. Being away from your sweetie is not all bad news. Use the opportunity of personal time to pursue your interests and hobbies as well as your career objectives. Another positive points it that long distance dating pushes both of you to be more creative, communicate better since you don't have "face-to-face" time and test your feelings. As long as you see the long distance relationship as a temporary state, you will keep your chin up and transmit that feeling of security and happiness to your partner too.

Long distance dating is all about a balanced relationship between partners; a relationship built on strong foundations of trust, understanding and determination to make it work. The two partners should be reasonable about their expectations and willing to cooperate so that this relationship can lead to a happy ending. If these parameters are taken care of, you have nothing to worry about.