Intro: Life for me has had it's ups and downs- and I'm one of the lucky ones to be able to stand and say that I'm truly blessed for what God has bestowed upon me throughout my life. Even when I didn't quite understand what in the hell was going on, and didn't have clue about what direction I needed to go in to make things right, I still knew, as I do now that there was a higher calling on my life. Everything around me, my children, my lover, my family, friends and enemies- they are all part of a big picture and at first I had a hard time looking at things as such. It was due to my own judgment of them, and my willingness to try to move on with grudges and anger still in my heart... I learned through time to allow myself to love despite the past, and no matter how it hurts, THERE IS a common ground that you can reach in order to heal the open wounds. It had to start with me-- and now, I'm sharing it with you.
Have you ever had a family member or friend who was just STUPID & VENGEFUL? Let me be more descriptive with my statement: Someone who that does the most mean and degrading things to you- claim that they love you, and still continues to do the same things over and over again without even acknowledging that what they are doing is wrong and is hurting you. It sickens you sometimes that they never seem to apologize for what they did in the past before doing something new! Well, I know your pain... Most of us share it right now- and we don't know how to even look at these people sometimes and tend to distance ourselves from them.
Honestly, life seems hard enough having to deal with your own problems and hang-ups, so why is this person so determined to be on your bad side; why do they want to hurt you? My answer to you is: They have no damn clue for real! Even if it seems like they sat up for a month and planned every action down to the last word and gesture- in all actuality, they will never know the pain they can, will and have caused- due to their own lack of compassion and understanding of themselves.
I used to be the one who would mirror what I get- meaning if you were an ass-- guess what: RIGHT BACK ATCHA' BUDDY! It felt good at the time, even felt like I got even in most cases. In all actuality, as time went on, I realized that it hurt allot of people. It didn't take me getting hurt, or losing a loved one- it took me becoming a seeker, learning to love things- simple things, and progressed to loving myself, and appreciating my blessings and people around me. Once I learned to love- it gave me that drive to look deeper than what a person says- but more of what they did both before, during and after the incident occurred. Actions are very important- feeling the person's energy source is a key in determining how to address them, and how to deal in life. I've been a spirit driven person all my life, but one most important spirit that I didn't monitor was my own. Once you learn to look at yourself when things go bad, and re-evaluate the situation and see where you could have made things go differently; but if you never learn, you'll be pissed off all the damn time! It takes a strong minded person to set boundaries and not cross them- we all fall short of things we say we "will never- ever do again" and find ourselves doing those things. Why is that? Is it the people in my life, and the reason they are in my life? DO I try to make amends and not even wait to see if they will realize that they were wrong- better yet-- do I have a lifetime to wait for something that may never occur in my lifetime or theirs? Ask yourself these questions- search your heart- and find the answers.
I'm still dealing with alot of things about myself and situations in my life that I could have done differently- but due to it being the past, I just have to acknowledge that they were done, make amends and move on. We want to start over alot- but with what- from what- and is it a reliable and realistic reason for doing so? I don't care how much "forgive and forget" is preached- it can't be done successfully- the human mind and heart is a life-long recorder- a timeline even, recording events experienced and seen by the human eye, heard by the human ears and felt by the human body. If you have been through it once, that's all it takes to create in you a reflex gesture towards future similar experiences even before they occur. We use logic when it comes to our hurt and pain- we remember the tearing out of our hearts, and the scratching or our eyes that caused us to react negatively- "If it looks like a duck- clucks like a duck- then it's a duck!" That's how we view the bad- "If it seems to be going in the same direction that I felt and experienced before, my body is going to react this way- so now I need to have my defenses up- just in case."
In reality, there is no "just in case phase" we lock the person out before we give them a chance to perform the act. We don't want to get caught up. We find ourselves building this wall of anger, and it frustrates us to even deal with the person we feel this towards. Once anger and frustration are introduced into ANY relationship in life- it's hard to see the person in a different light- or it seems that way. We are told to give the person a second chance and we scream- Hell NO! You don't want to repeat the situation over and over with this person- not knowing you just gave them the energy to continue to be this dark force in your life- with or without their presence- they still have hurt you- you turned away from them, and you are stuck with this memory and feeling towards them that plagues your life for as long as it's not addressed- sometimes a lifetime.
The key element to making things different in your life, and in your relationships with anyone- including those who you don't want to deal with anymore is YOU... Once you change your mental train of thought, it's not easy sometimes- I know- but it's worth trying. Certain things can be avoided, others can't- but you have to channel into yourself and determine the outcome from your end of the situation. Never mind if they know what they did or not- if it hurts you- let them know- there are two things that can come of that: They apologize and it can be discussed OR They say "f- you" and you're left with the decision as to whether or not to deal with them. Remember though- they have done damage- but you can heal from it. By letting them know was the first step! If they address it from then on- at least they knew- and now you can rest easier with the knowledge that you did something besides hold this grudge all your life. Even if you are SURE that they know what they did- remember things happen and some people do things without any second thoughts of the consequences of their actions.
Sometimes we run across people who are just plain ole' angry- and they hurt everyone they meet. When approaching this in life and people of this nature, keep in mind that there was a source to their feeling- and learning more about them may help to address the confusion between you that person- sometimes it doesn't work. If you continue to choose the negative side, and not open your heart to learning about yourself, and your spirituality- you are setting yourself up to repeat this throughout your life. Who wants that? Address your issues- confront yourself and challenge yourself to come to terms with the situation and make amends. If not, you can never grow into what you really have the potential to be- and live a long and healthy life and have long and healthy relationships with people in the future. The change begins with you- "forgive and forget"- No- but express - discuss- and possibly make amends. If you can not draw a conclusion- you've got the ok to move on with your life and seek those things that make you most happy. Feed those things most if not all of your energy and everything else that occurs and that has occurred in your life will seem to fade away.
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